The Fine Art of Pedestal ConstructionMeghan Punschke
It will start with a compliment. No. Maybe it will start with a miasmic imprint. Something missing from childhood perhaps, but more likely an egotistical lapse— The mere trip to the mirror, you will fail to see. In a moment, the cancerous perception that control is acquired will cause you to throw all your inadequacies into a bucket. These you will be required to voraciously mix into the mortar that will bind your perfect pedestal. The key is to use a hollow wood, like a balsam or a cedar. Such timber can withstand the outward strain that will accompany the preliminary procedures. (They are also fragrant enough to cover up the stench of the shit you will pack deep into its core.) Of course, the next step will be to learn how to justify the structure. Because everything will be a reflection of how reliable your preferred parry can be. With a steady base, you will then be able to concentrate on the needs of your candidate. You will swiftly toss your own beliefs, in exchange for whatever they say. And you may even begin to see intrinsic connections everyday— Where before there was a hollow void, you will now find quixotic peace. You will begin to spend a substantial amount of time lying. This will ensure that he/she thinks you/me odd, better, different, incapable, capable, adorable, elegant, intrinsic, mystic, affluent, captive… captive of their great glory. But whatever attribute you choose to convey, you will have to remind yourself that you will never be more so than they. Your goal will be to simply lose yourself in their splendor. But you must reckon that it cannot last forever. Eventually, Ego will become as tender as a tongue, causing an unfortunate emotional flood. And, your pedestal will begin to bow and shirk— The soaked wood will begin to swell and burst like an uncut frank in a microwave. And as you scramble to pick up the ineffectual shards, your candidate will be quickly plummeting to a perceptive death. Yet, the inescapable truth will remain: It is your fault for precariously propping him/her up like that dumb egg on that high wall.
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