Ode to My LoverSteve Fellner
Don’t forgive me for laughing when you confessed months after Matthew Shepard died that you yourself had once been gay- bashed in the back parking lot of a 7-11. It didn’t seem like that big of a deal. No permanent injuries. You told the story right after we made love so it felt like an excuse to make me hold you a bit longer when I wanted to go to bed, or find someone else on the Internet. Did you ever think of Matthew when I was sucking your cock, not being very careful with my teeth? I am not always nice. Once I cheated on you with a trick who was pretty much forgettable except for his porn stash I “accidentally” found: he cut out a photo of Aaron McKinley and taped his head on the body of a limp muscle model. That slut always wanted things rougher. “Can’t,” I said, “I save that kind of stuff for my boyfriend.” He never looked angry. Just docile, needy. A victim too weak to hurt.
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