Sluts of Highlander

I.

On a beach in California,
it has to be a beach but not
California exactly, a thonged
woman squeezes oranges
over a surfboard. Rarely
do surfboards taste good with
citrus drinks. Doctors like them
only because they are pricey:
80s flash-flash-flash-flashback.
This is an interpretive dance
in the treetop not to be missed.
When she gets close to the buffalo
fence, they will nibble. Yes, they will.

II.

No section on Heidi’s.
A Heidi is my dachshund
and I love her very much.

III.

Sluts really came alive
in the 1560s. Don’t take
my word for it though,
dig up your oldest relative
and ask him or her yourself.
Like how four out of five
dentists recommend Colgate,
thirteen out of fifteen today
choose MySpace for their
slutting needs. OMFG it
is so easy. Am I a bad person
to admit that To Catch a Predator
is my favorite show of all time?
If Chris Hansen was ice cream,
I’d eat straight from the carton.