Candy Jones Begins

Let’s learn the rules of the game.

                   First of all, let me request you sharpen your scissors
           and remove all belt loops. Buttons
                   are low cost tattletales. Be wary
of wearing any accessories
                             that you can’t handle. For emergencies,
           a tiny sewing kit should be on hand.
                   Make a critical rundown of your imperfect features.
Hold your stomach absolutely flat
                             and tuck your buttocks in neatly.
Pay attention to your shoulders. Pay attention
                   to the condition of your shoes.
           Observe swimsuit ads
                   and learn to stand gracefully
with your knees together.
                             Practice sitting and standing in front of a full-length mirror
           until you are certain
                   that you place your legs in their most becoming positions.
And please don’t wear a fur piece.
                             Take a good look
at your hemline.
                   Skirts should be worn
           modestly short.
                             No Kitty Foyle costumes permitted!
Make certain to remember that nothing is forever
           except that you are a woman.
Do look crisp and tidy,
                             but not unfeminine.
                   Take and make the time to beautify
           all parts of your body.
But go a little easy on the eye-goo.
                             Makeup should be applied to dramatize
           the eyes and lips, but not
to give the effect of a lady spy.

Don’t laugh…
                   there are such things.