Suggestions for LongevityKrystal Languell
1. You shouldn’t try to feed the animals at the zoo. This is how people keep getting mauled—ignoring the worry impulse, imagining animals are children. I understand; sometimes I’m at the zoo, and I am the zoo. An animal does not achieve sophistication through meticulous planning, so suppose tame applies to nothing. 2. Blame nature. No one will notice that it doesn’t make any sense. Winter creeper, kudzu ivy: with blooms, poisons are concomitant. Invasive species are a scourge. We take things that look pretty and relocate them. But once everyone has tulips in their yard, no one wants tulips anymore. Diminishing returns is basic economics. 3. Excise any wasteful habits. You know what that means. No more open tabs at the bar. No more cash advances. You must cultivate a taste for comparison shopping. The history of your movements and decisions is dense. What makes you less apt to eat wildflowers, weeds, garbage? The prevalence of citrus: your civilized interest in soups. 4. Ignore research that proves deterioration is random. If you sneak around for drinks, you’ll sneak for sex, too. You should control the particle that makes you mean. You want to think the end won’t be your fault. Get organized. Go for a hike. I don’t do that kind of thing, but I’m not the one who wants to live forever.
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