Trapdoor Fucking Exit, Part 5Andrew Mister
* Wind against the windows sounds like Sam Prekop singing, “bring my car I fee-eel to smash it.” Who knows what that means, but it’s fun to say over & over and watch the rain separate against telephone wire even though it’s not raining not now at least not here. It’s raining in New Orleans, everyone is looking for a place to hide. A siren outside that doesn’t sound like a siren muffled by rain that is not rain it’s the sound of the record that’s over but still spinning. Bring my life I feel to smash it. And then glue the shards together like a Christian Marclay record. This song’s called “One Thousand Cycles” and at least the songs are making their way into the poem since they’ve made their way into me, now my life is cluttered by all the shit I’m trying to lay out here and smash to bits. Over Canal Street it’s raining glass over Market Street but not over Lakeshore and all the yuppies leaving Albertson’s leaving Noah’s are happy for it. And I am too though not happy enough to leave my apartment, to leave this table beneath a window. I can see tomorrow morning like a hill in the distance, the confetti blue sky brushing against it. And when it arrives I will accomplish that day without failure without flourish. * Hasn’t the sky been mentioned enough? It’s still out there looming no trapdoor fucking exit. But what of that more distant reality that disappears when described? It feels like I haven’t talked to anyone today except the guy at work changing light fixtures. He asked me where he could find a glass of water. And I showed him. You can’t think your way out of some situations. I shouldn’t be afraid of initiating small talk. I shouldn’t be afraid of a lot of things. I’m fickle and I brag about it. I wish I could type words over these words so you couldn’t read the boring parts, but leave what I like and hope that you will too: the end should be like that: some- thing we both can enjoy. And so I give you my story, the one I’ve been telling myself. It is devoted to the possible.
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