401(k)

Money talks
But it don’t sing and dance
And it don’t walk

Try telling that to Arlene
who bills herself
“the best natural attraction west of the Mississippi”
and see how far it gets you.

In fact, money’ll get you
a hot breakfast after a long night
on the road. It’ll get you
Neil Diamond on the jukebox
and a little something to fill
your flask with from
under the counter.

It’ll get you one button
undone after another,
if Arlene’s in the mood
to back up her claim.
There are no postcards
of the vista she affords,
so she’ll tell you to
take a mental picture
and send it to yourself
in your old age.

There’s a sign says
RETIREMENT FUND
on the tip jar,
and if you have to ask
who for, Arlene’ll slap you
upside the head
no matter who you are.

If you don’t give generously enough,
her husband will shoot
your tires out as you leave.