Ten or more suggestions
Thou shalt have no goods before me, regardless of packaging and country of origin.
Thou shalt not make of me like a raven, an eagle, or any other bird of prey. My
preference is feet upon the earth like a stallion.
Thou shalt not take my name. It’s mine. It was given to me. Choose another.
Add salts on the day of your bath. Soap your whole body, not only named areas. Don’t
forget your ears.
Honor your genetic material. Gently iron if wrinkled.
Thou shalt not kill. Unless you have to. To appease hunger. To punish another. During a
fit of passion. During wartime. If you’re bored.
Comment not on adultery. Wait until a movie.
Don’t steal. Borrow. Invest. Wait and forget the return.
Thou shalt not appear as a bear for your neighbor to witness. Draw the shades. If you
must go public, hold off until Halloween.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor, not his ox nor his ass. Manure attracts flies and
many doctors perform liposuction on a payment plan.
Thou shalt speak when spoken to, shalt convert if confused, and use the toilet at break.
Best to wait for a sale, a newer model, an extended, preferably six-year warranty.
Watch out for jealousy! Lord, oh mighty, geee-zuz! You may find yourself unable to rest,
not even on the seventh day. Envy dies not in subsequent generations but proliferates
Shun those who show no mercy and shout libel at the highest mountain or in a full-page
ad in the Sunday paper.
Remember, do as I say, not as I do, or these words be hollow.
Author Discusses Poems